Little Glass Slipper

It's not unlikely to see someone griping about November being the crappiest month of the year, because it is (January and March are also high on that list of shittiest months) the worst. Maybe it's because it has been one of the most stressful months for me since I've been in school for almost sixteen years, and November usually means it's close to finals, but I'm banking on the fact that it's been freezing, raining, and overall terrible. Thanks, November.

Here's what's been troublesome, as well as great, or what I've learned, this month.

Three things I have been sucking at, thanks to November:

I've used the header image from this blog in this post! How goche.
(This is what soy-rizo looks like, on the right of the plate. Gluten
-free pumpkin pancake recipe from Love and Lemons.)

Not working out. Unless you have access to a gym or are just hardcore about your running schedule (I'm not, and it's showing) and don't care about freezing your ass off in this weather, you're probably dreaming of the Thanksgiving meal your friends or family are concocting. I'm that person, minus holiday stuff. Holidays stress me out to no end. Regardless, I feel like crap and my jeans are getting tight again. This is an ongoing battle for me. Ever since taking gluten out of my diet--so I didn't have stomach cramps and had to painfully crap five times a day--and losing a lot of weight after having years of negative body image and an eating disorder, any gain I see on my body feels like a defeat. Working out is something that I enjoy, and I want to get back into a healthier frame of mind again; my end goal is never to be "skinny," I just want to physically feel like I can punch any catcaller in the face and hopefully break their nose and sense of over-entitlement to women's bodies.

There's still some soy-rizo (vegan/gluten free chorizo) in my fridge from a dinner with a couple friends on Friday and you bet your ass I've been savouring it. While soy-rizo is delicious and spicy, the only healthy thing I had in my tacos was some cilantro and avocados. This has been a bad habit I've picked up all fall. Probably because of the cold, again, I've been justifying spending $4 to $7 dollars on gluten-free cake and brownie mixes, or prepackaged baking goods. I don't know why I've figured it okay to purchase that many sweets when I could be eating, you know, salad (but most things I like to put in salads are out of season, and I'm not spending a shitload of money on out of season produce). But, time to shape up. Guess I'll finally have to figure out how to make good spaghetti squash and veggie protein meatballs.

Friday was the first time I cleaned my entire apartment in probably, oh, three weeks? I swept and did the dishes, obviously, but damn, did it feel good to light some candles after the entire place was hogged out. (I'm that person who buys the scented candles at CVS thinking that they'll actually permeate some sort of apple orchard goodness. You know those candles are just good at burning wax and nothing else.) But, everything feels organized, now, and much better. It's been about a year and a half since I've posted here, but let me just say what I've said a million times before: I work and am more productive when everything resembles the organizational bliss of a Pottery Barn/L.L. Bean magazine. Probably more so L.L. Bean, can't escape my New England roots.

Three ways December is going to be better:

My bookshelf is disgusting, I know.

I'm going to actually work out! Part of me is laughing at this, but I know I won't feel as bent down and tired if I pick Pilates back up. Time to tone my ass and look sext in an infinity scarf and down-coat. (I don't actually own an infinity scarf, and I usually buy men's outerwear because it's warmer.)

Time for reading. I'm really looking forward to reading everything I've been putting off, plus some review copies and a few graphic novels. I'm excited to keep reading Alex and Ada, which is basically about "kept" cyborgs that are so human it's kind of terrifying. Also on that list: some Faulkner, Woolf, Baldwin, Margaret Atwood (duh), Roth, Christine Sneed's novel that I've been meaning to read forever (Little Known Facts), and others. Recommendations always welcome!

Honestly, I'll have more time to be a person. It's sinking in that this is my last winter break for a long time, or, if I ever go to grad school. Hah. But, there's more time to be with friends and family, my partner, and my cats. I take back what I said about holidays. Christmas doesn't stress me out, everything else does. I love picking out gifts for everyone, and am excited to go around Andersonville, Lincoln Square, and off of Armitage in Lincoln Park to get the goods.