From 8.22.12

All I wanted the other day was cheesits and a coke. Both make me terribly sick. What a pity.

I also wanted to be lying next to somebody, close enough that our foreheads were barely touching. We would be whispering each other stories. But that's some far-fetched idea of love, something I've never and am feeling now I won't ever have.

Recently I've started a disliking for children. I'm not sure where it's come from, tiredness, annoyance. The lack of silence. Who knows.

The Air & Water show was this past weekend. All during work days they would fly up here practicing their maneuvers. I hate the sound of jets. Their turbines and sonic sound gives me this unsettling ripple in the pit of my stomach. Some brought-back fear from childhood, when all that terror struck in the second week of September. They flew by us then too, from Plattsburg. And that was so far away, but brought back the memory so close.

I read The Bell Jar in one day. It wasn't as depressing as I'd thought it'd be. It is intimate with the simplicity of letter writing-however not uneducated. That brought back horrible memories as well. Of being half insane. Whenever I get drunk and feel nostalgic, sadly philosophical I go back to those moments and always ask whomever is nearest- "What if?"

There are these yappy dogs that make me want to scream. Their voices are so high pitched.

I got really angry at myself today studying French because my handwriting wasn't neat enough.

It's been rough at work and instead of venting to people I vented here. It feels good. Off to take a shower and shave. I have to pick my mother and aunt up at the airport tomorrow. Kill joy.

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This is from a couple of weeks ago and already the mood and feeling has changed, been forgotten. Good night and sweet dreams xx